Boo

There is something about watching horror films that really excites me, not in a sick way - you're not going to read in the news that some guy who got off on horror films killed everyone he knew and I'm not in 'The Human Centipede 2'- I just love that feeling of being totally scared but utterly compelled to keep watching.

For people who dont like horror I know you are sitting there thinking 'it's just too violent for me' or 'there is no need for all the blood' but the beauty of film is you can watch something you don't see in every day life. You can be transported to a world that you would never usually be in. Horror awakens that scared kid inside you and it's good to keep in touch with him, not in a weird way don't start talking to him on a day to day basis otherwise you may end up like Jack Torrance!

So here are my top 5 horror films

5) Night of the Living Dead (1968)

A classic, end of. Before 28 days later produced zombies who are faster than the speed of light, this was a terrifying depiction of how zombies slowly take over the planet. The scene in the graveyard is a brilliant portrayal of the mindless horror that zombies posses and there isn't a horror around that hasn't taken influence from George A. Romero's scare-fest.

4) Eden Lake (2008)

Is this a horror or is it a thriller I hear you ponder - it's both people, both! This is a superb horror thriller (yes thats a genre) that is terrifying because it feels so real. In a world full of Chav scum, like those who unleash the terror in this film, this literally could and probably does happen.

Just when you think poor Jenny has escaped her ordeal (although is it me or is she one of the most annoying people of all time, her voice!! Jesus!) she ends up right in the one place she did not want to, you kinda see it coming from a mile off but the way the end scene plays out, horrific! And Jack O'Connell plays that sadistic role so well I'm a little concerned he may actually be a psycho - he was brilliant as Cooky in Skins (which is a very good tv show, well was until the last season but that's for a whole other time). I defy anyone to watch that final shot of Eden Lake and not be wanting to throw your shoes, the cat, anything at the tv in outrage!!! You evil bastard!

3) 28 Days Later (2002)

Danny Boyle you fucking genius!! The single greatest opening to a horror film and arguably ANY film ever. Little fact for you fact fans, he paid the entire population of central London to vacate the area to shoot that opening, that in itself is staggering but certainly worth the effort for the opening to this film is just spellbinding. Yes I know the film tails off towards the end and loses it's way but come on for sheer visionary perfection in the opening scene this film is a must-see!

2) Rec (2007)

Repeat after me... 'under no circumstances will I watch the typically shite American rehash which is a terrible, scene-for-scene remake of rec, Quarantine even though it does have the feisty fit lass from Dexter this film SUCKS' thank you.

Rec is a sublime horror filmed on a camcorder which puts you literally in the apartment block with that really hot Spanish girl, a scenario I would have been happy with. It puts the 'real-footage' genre firmly back at the top of the horror family-tree and that scene where you look up in the attic, we all knew what was coming but did we squeal like a girl? Yes! Brilliant

And so here it is, my favourite horror film of all time...

1) Martyrs (2008)

Quite simply the most terrifying film I have ever seen in my life and quite possibly the greatest film I've watched. This is what horror films should be like, utterly horrific, incredible brutal, uncompromising and completely compelling.

When the film starts with a deranged, abused young girl running down the street screaming you know you are not in for a comfortable ride, but what unfolds in this French masterpiece is just brutal. After watching this film I now have a new level of horror - whenever I'm told about a new horror film being scary I always ask 'is it scary or martyrs scary?' the answer is always 'no it's not that scary' always!!

I find horror incredible because it has the ability to scare you to your very soul and leave you feeling like your world has just been obliterated. At the end of Martyrs I couldn't work out what I had just witnessed and exactly what my emotions were - there's only one other film that did that to me, Donnie Darko - Martyrs is a film you simply have to watch, yes it's brutal but my god is it horrific perfection.

So there we have it L's and G's my little homage to the horrific. There are many many other horror films I love, Scream is a slasher classic with some brilliant scenes 'Casey baby' and I love the Blair Witch. Don't buy into the hype just enjoy it for what it is and admire just how twisted the directors were to torment the actors the way they did.

God I really should stop banging on about horror, people will think I'm twisted. Next up, 'chick flicks rule'

That's a joke, they're shit.