Now where has that gone?

We've all been there, you fancy watching a certain dvd, you go to your dvd collection and look for it and you can't find it anywhere. You then spend the next few hours, days, weeks or in some cases years - that's not an exaggeration, I'm serious! Ok it might be - trying to find the fricking film.

If someone lends me a dvd I treat it with the respect it deserves and make sure I return it, but sadly we all know those people. That breed of people who either leave your dvd on a bus or use it as a coaster or even worse...lose it!! WHAT!

I was having a look through the other day and I realised I am missing some really good films that have fallen foul of the dreaded 'been leant out and never returned'.

One of my favourite films is Se7en. It's a brilliant thriller and has some really strong performances in, not to mention one hell of a twist - that you do kinda see coming, but it's still brilliantly played out. So you can imagine my horror when I realised that it was no longer in my posession. The more worrying thing was I couldn't remember who I'd actually leant it to - that was it for me, can write that one off cause I am never seeing that dvd again. Yes I know I can go out and buy another one all you people sitting there telling me to stop being a tight-arse - but that's not the point!

The Prestige which is much better than The Illusionist (and don't even try and argue) is another dvd sadly lost forever. I know who has this dvd and I will not mention the scruffy bint who has it but I am not impressed. I love this film, even with David Bowie's god-awful accent this film is still awesome. Christian Bale is one of my favourite actors, I know he isn't exactly Pacino but he makes some blinding films - and he's BATMAN! Very clever plot and incase you had any kind of doubt I will say two words which will just make those doubts fall away - Scarlett Johansson .

Fit.

Films that are turned into computer games never really work for me, and computer games turned into films usualy are even worse! Street Fighter anyone?! Kylie Minogue and Jean-Claude Van Damme - good lord!! Anyway I am getting away from my point. One of my favourite computer games is actually a film originally, and a brilliant retro film at that. The Warriors! A magnificent game and a superb '70s film. The story of a New York gang who are wrongly accused of a murder who have to fight their way home - I still argue with people that this is better than Gangs of New York, I actually feel like The Warriors was ripped off a little at the start of Gangs of New York. That's for another time, this film again has been stolen by the same bint who has The Prestige now I either need to improve my choice in women or stop lending dvds out!

You're right, improve my choice in women...

Now it's one thing to keep one of my dvds for far longer than you should - but a Tim Burton film....Do you have a death wish?! I haven't watched Big Fish in such a long time I could weep, but I won't as that is a little weird. It's such a great story, I love Big Fish. I foolishly leant it to my sister and well I may as well just opened my window and threw it outside on the road for I am never seeing that again.

So while I am off to buy all the dvds I will never see again, just consider who you lend your films out to. Make sure they are completely trust worthy and I don't think it's too far to hire a bodyguard for the dvd....

I really don't.

Ok I do, don't do that.

Tim Burton - the man, the legend

We all have one, whatever it is we love, be it film, music, sport, anything. One person, one band, one game that above all else makes us say "if I could be anyone", "write any one song" or "play any game"

"I'd choose..."

For me, in film. Simple. I'd be Tim Burton, this guy takes an idea, an image, a book and adapts, twists, darkens and moulds it into a visionary piece of work.

I've lost count of the times I've said to myself "god I wish I had his brain!"

Now we all know film is subjective so don't for a second think I'm trying to tell you to feel this way, just let my love of an artist spark the thought in your head of 'who inspires me?'

My first experience of Tim Burton at work would have been Batman, I certainly remember watching it on video as a kid. My over riding memory of that experience was the darkness, literally pitch black. So yes, I was too young to appreciate his talent as I was four when it came out, boy genius I was not!

The first film I saw of his and I thought 'wow this is really my kinda director' was of course, Edward Scissorhands. The scene that did it for me - as I'm sure you are aware when I talk about scenes in films I'm very visual - the ice sculpture scene. Edward sculpting a huge ice angel making it snow as Kim dances under him, with Danny Elfman conducting a moving soundtrack as we see and feel Kim falling for Edward. Sensational. To this day when I watch that film with someone who hasn't seen it I get excited at that scene.

From then on I was hooked, The Nightmare Before Christmas is, in our house, one of those films that 'it's not Christmas until we have seen this' - as is It's a Wonderful Life, we will get on to Christmas films later my friends - one year we sat till the early hours to catch the film on itv. Yes we had it on DVD but seeing it on tv just adds that extra special sparkle to it.

The film is breathtakingly stunning at times and the scene that stands out for me is after Jack has been shot from the sky he lays to rest in the arms of an angel. So simple but beautifully striking.

It's clear I love Tim Burton, anyone who knows me would tell you that. His ability to make a film that is dark yet innocent is a talent I think is hugely underrated. One of his criticisms down the years is his inability to tell a story - have you seen Big Fish? Honestly, some people are impossible to please!

Talking of Big Fish, that was the first film I cried at at the cinema I believe. When Edward Bloom is being carried to the water as he says goodbye to all his friends before swimming free - yes I was gone, in bits. Tears and snot everywhere. So what. Deal with.

So who or what inspires you? Why? Whoever they are or whatever it is surround yourself with the inspiration. Never listen to anyone telling you you are wrong and never be afraid to say what it is you feel.

Check me out with the inspirational speech, can you tell I've just watched Dead Poets Society?

I'm off to stand on a table...